Tonight the moonlight will spy on us.....

done

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 16:03:33 GMT

this journal is done with. new one is heart_lozenge if you are wondering where that came from....good luck.

back again

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 16:29:40 GMT

I got home last night around 7. Fieldhockey camp was pretty cool. A lot of funny things happened. And I made a lot of new friends.

Ben picked me up from the school last night. And it made me soo happy to see him. Even though I was in a grumpy mood, i really did love seeing him last night. My mom made dinner, and we ate cake and stuff. I got some cute stuff. Ben gt me a necklass and the ashlee simpson cd...and a balloon. I love that kid. and my mom just got me clothes...and a hair straigtner...which was much needed. I got in a fight with my mom because bill left. i know it shouldn't bother me. but he needs to understand that families do get in arguments. he has no right just leaving on my birthday. (well my little b-day get together) He is so sheltered and needs to just understand. He has never had a family. so hedoesn't know.

I know something. I found it out at camp. and it's making me crazy. because she didn't tell me, someone else did.

words could not explain how much fun I just had.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 03:19:04 GMT

So doug is like, "yo mags holler, lets hang out!" and i'm like"golly gee whiz doug! I'd love to! and i want to seee blakely" and he said, "aiiight well we can go get her or somethin'" and i said..."YAYYYY" then MKike calls and says, "maggggggie i'm on my wayyyyy with nickkkkk yayyyy" and i said "WAHOOO okay! i'm ragin and readyy too gooo!" and then i got in the car, and we listened to some happenin' music. and we picked up blakely! and I just couldn't stop talking. And then we went to dougs to get doug. He was with some girl. whateverrrr. and then she was like" alright i got a newww carrrrrrrrrrrrr and i'm gay goodbye" and she left. then some other girls came around and were like "eeeeeeeeee douggggggggggggggggggg" and we were all like, "ahijsflshf let's go to wendyssss and eat!" so we did. and it was alot of fun...the girls didn't go though. Just Blakely, Doug, Nick, Mike Herr, and me. it was so funny. we laughed and laughed. and then we took blakely home :-( i will miss her. and then we took doug home, and then mike took me home. and it was all good fun.

OH YEAHHH. at a red light doug got a frisbee and tried to throw it back to Nick, who drove behind up. it was like whoooooooooosh....CRASSHHHH. because nick didn't catch it. and when we went back to look for it. it was gone! i know. horrible....

wow i'm gay. goodbye
(camp in likee 7 hours!)

oh mann oh mann

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 17:09:13 GMT

yesterday/last night was great! evven though me and ben have been fighting lately....seeing him made it so much better. We spent the whole day together, and then we got dustin, and hung out with him all day/night. I got to spend the night agaiN! which i loveee doing. and in the morning we went to best buy so ben can get his cd player installed...he just took me home. and boy i'm so happy.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 00:47:36 GMT

oh yeah....

me and blakely talked a few nights ago about a lot of stuff....and it is pretty true...sorry

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 00:45:57 GMT

Pissed off. I'm just i nsuch a bad mood. And ben doesn't seem to give a flying fuck. actually no one does. and my mom just lovvves to just ask me 1904982734 questions when she can tell i'm annoyed.

leaving in two days. not excitied. i don't want to play. maybe i'lll purposly break my leg or something.

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 02:48:12 GMT

what a crazy 4 days it's been.

holy mackral

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 17:30:30 GMT

I just had the GREATEST weekend of allll time!! Friday I went to a show at Woods, which was really good. We went to see the band my version of a diary. I got to see Alex. who I haven't seen in awhile because he was in europe. and matt and his girl-thing Allie, who's realllly cool. I saw Reeder, and of course. I got to see ben!!! I missed him so much. After the show we went to Matt's appartment for a little bit, it was pretty cool...;-) winkkk. But matt and ben got in an argument and urg i hate it when they fight. But then I went home and yeah.
Saturday i just hung out at home for a little bit, I went to khols with my sister. And then around like 7ish Matt picked me up and we went to dustins. because it was his 18th birthday. I got to see everyone and it was fun. Phil was there, and his girlfriend. Who is reallly mean to him. I feel so bad. SHe was saying how all these other people were more important to her then phil, and she went to virginia with some guy! Man, I don't know what phils thinking...Ryan and his girlfriend came, which was cool because i've never really met them before. I hung out with DUstins girlfriend Elaina. She's really cool. and Brandon and kelly were there. it was just overall realllly fun...I did somehting I never thought I woould...yikes. At like 11:30 I went to Bens. And spent the night there...we didn't end up going to bed till like 4 i think...;-) and his sisters friend woke me up in the morning..just by being loud in the hallway. but I ended up falling back to sleep. and ben ran in and jumped on the water bed (which is really comfy to sleep on) then we just hung out, and he took me home, and we hung out here for a little bit....yeahh. and then he left, and now he's a work.

I love my life! and Ben

Dreams?

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 15:03:55 GMT

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Not scary ones. Just ones that I remember perfectly. that it seems pretty real.

Dream 1- I was having a little party thing, and this girl stole my underwear and ripped it. So I beat her up. Then everyone left except for Reeder and Ben, and I let them sleep downstairs. And then 3 black guys ran in, and just slept here. And in the morning, everything was perfectly clean. And my mom never found out about the party....it was actually a lot longer than that, but those are the main points.

Dream 2- I woke up in some strange loft thing. And I was someone else. I was this chubby girl. Who didn't have a lot of friends. And she had all these brothers. And I had to pick one to tell that it wasn't his sister "Lilly" it was me. And then "i" came over, but it was really her. And we got dressed all punk-ish and weird and went out to this place. And somehow Matt was in it. I don't know.

They seem a lot weirder in my head, because I actually had the dream.

home again.

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 17:31:35 GMT

Being home feels so good. I guess I'll tell you about my week in Rehoboth.

Sunday-Rained and Rained the whole way there. But then it stopped, and we walked on the boardwalk. Nothing too exciting. I unpacked all my clothes. and stuff. We went to the beach, even though it was rainy, so it was empty. It was my uncle's birthday. So we had this really big steak dinner, that was cool. And later we played Trivial Pursuit. Which wasn't fun, because Joyce was drunk, so she wasn't a very good partner. We went to bed around 12 i guess.

Monday- I woke up around 11ish. Then we headed for the beach. it was kind of cloudy, but then it got hot. Later, Sara, my mom, and I all went out to dinner together, because Sara was leaving that day. It was a really funny night. If I told you, I would look stupid, because it's one of those "you had to be there" things. "Hollllerr" Even later, we went to the rides and such. That was fun, I went on the Haunted house with Katy and Liz. We screamed the WHOLLLEEE time.

Tuesday- Beautifullllll day. It was the best beach day. I played in the water with Liz, Kylor and Dan. Good story..I was sleeping on the beach, like dead asleep, laying on my stomach. And some girl was walking backwards towards me, and i kind of heard screaming. Then WHAMMMMMMM. She stepped on my face! i got so sandy and gross. bleh...We just stayed at home last night, ate slopppy joesss.

Wednesday- Another greattt beach day. We all went out to dinner later, at this really cute place. It was kind of seafood, but fun. Then we walked on the boardwalk. Went to the games and got prizes! Me and Katy played the Stare game. if we see someone looking, we stare at them. its soo funny.

Thursday- Dan's birthday! He turned 16. Amazing day for the beach. Spent most of the day sleeping on the beach. Went to the boardwalk, by myself to search for a sweatshirt. Which I ended up finding, and I bought two cd's....and together they only cost 25 dollars. not bad. Ate dinner, and went to bed early.

Friday- LAst day. Woke up at like 8. and packed and left.

HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. i LOVE IT HERE.

Last post

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 11:35:31 GMT

Last post for a week!
Ben, I love you so much.
Blakely, you're the greatest friend anyone could ask for!

American Diary. Have fun in New Jersey. You guys kick monster doodle ass!!!!!

Much love.

Wanted Ad.

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 23:47:41 GMT

Wanted: New friends.

Must be trustworthy, fun, caring, and a good person. Can't be shady, or liars. Any age, or sex, will do. I just need someone who will be there when I need them, and help me through my problems. And not make me feel horrible about myself.

Please let me know if you are interested.

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 22:54:08 GMT

Not in a good mood. I think I am just sad because my summer is almost over. I wish I didn't have to try out for fieldhockey. I don't like the sport very much....but oh well. I am going to miss being home. I hate packing, and unpacking. and blehh. hopefully the week will be pretty so it will be worth going to the beach...

aww jeeez

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 04:15:12 GMT

i am going to miss ben

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 20:01:43 GMT

Blahh. What a crazy week it's been! Oh well. I;m having fun. Leaving for the beach Sunday.

could it get much worse?

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 01:31:19 GMT

Today has been such a crappy day. First, I went to swim team, and the coaches gave me shit, and urg. I don't need that from a fat, ugly assitant swimcoach. Not one bit. And then I had nothing to do all day, till right now actually. I have sat around. I am too bored to even eat. So all I have had to day is some doritos and carrot sticks....I am so sick of Ben giving me a hard time. I am not going to cheat on him. I have promised him so many times. It makes me so upset when he brings it up again, and thats the main reason I'm so upset right now. I won't be able to see evan while he's here. It sucks he didn't even think about seeing me, or anything. I use to talk to him a lot about it, but whatever. Things and People definatly change. I hate being home alone all day. I don't want to babysit tomorrow, because I just want to be with people. Not with an annoying pony freak 3 yearold girl. Who can't even wipe her own ass. I thought I was going to hang out with Doug tonight, but yeah...turns out he went out somewhere else or something...whatever.So i am stuck home, doing nothing. However, my lovely sister lovvves to just, not be helpful at all when she knows i'm upset. She asks me to borrow clothes, and then gets mad if i say no. I was planning on wearing my jean skirt tonight. BUT IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER NOW. Yeah, I am just so angry right now. I'ts ridiculous. I am NOT exciting for the beach anymore. Considering every vacation, i end up in a room crying, because no body in my family takes me serious....or just talks to me or anything. They don't realize that just because I'm a 14 year old girl, doesn't mean I have nothing to say. I don't like getting "teased". I have low enough self esteem as it is....yeah. so that's it i guess....fuck

nothing great

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 14:18:37 GMT

I'm just in a blah mood. Nothing is going good, but nothing is going bad. just blah. whatever. I'm leaving for the beach Sunday, not friday.... I want to see Evan soon. I miss that kid so much.

Happy as shittttt

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 00:30:52 GMT

Well, this has been crazy. Friday night, I did nothing. Saturday, swimmeet ( i think we won) and then me and Blakely went to the mall, boy was that fun. We do such crazy/fun things. And we saw Brandon (from A.Diary) and Drew, from the old band Avenli. It was kind of weird seeing Drew, but oh well. Then we went to her house, and to her neighbors RAGING PARTY....aka really tiny party. I felt so white, considering 3 boys there were black, the kid (Devon) kind of acted black. And the other boy there was french.... he was really cool. even though i couldn't talk to him. Today Ben came over. It was fun, we are so dorky. but I love him....i;m about to go pick up my sister from the airport. so wahoo.

"I guess there's just a part of me, that likes to bring you down, just to keep you around, because they day you realize how amazing you are, you're going to leave me"

PS- tomorrow is me and Ben's 1 month

not to sure

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 01:09:16 GMT

I was a little confident, but that kind of faded. So, I'm not to sure what to think anymore.

not one worry in the world.

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 17:50:43 GMT

I have just decided, that this has been the best summer so far, that I have ever had. I have met so many new people, learned so many new things, and I have just been having the time of my life. I couldn't ask for anything else right now. I am going to the beach next week. And then I'll be home for a few days, then I have to go to fieldhockey camp. (blehh) I will miss everyone so much! Expecially Blakely, and Ben. you guys are the greatest people ever. I love you both so much.

mother f-er

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 14:16:46 GMT

So last night, blakely calls. Apparently Phil broke up with her. WHich makes no sence. He obviously didn't know how good he had it, and he won't ever find a better person than her. So I bet he'll go find some slut or something. Urg, it makes me so mad that he would do that, after all the trouble Ben, Blakely, and I have gone through just to be nice to him and crap. Well way to go Phil.

damn

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 01:50:39 GMT

Well looks like that didn't work. screw it. bitches

pictures

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 01:49:51 GMT

I thought maybe if I put a picture in, people would start looking. The sky looks beautiful. Atleast it does to me.

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bleh

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 02:49:02 GMT

I just did one of those survey things from Holly's LJ. I guess I am lame. But its okay

5 things i love:
1. double whammy's with blakely
2. drunken nights with best friends
3. being loved
4. boys with guitars
5. music that makes me happy

5 negative facts about me:
1. I judge people really fast
2. Sometimes I forget to think before I talk
3. I let things get to me really easily
4. I'm too self-conscience
5. I'm over emotional

5 positive facts about me:
1. I like to help people
2. I laugh no matter what
3. I listen well.
4. I try not to lie to my friends
5. I forgive

5 things i plan to do before i die:
1. Have a family
2. Be happy
3. Travel as much as I can
4. Take pictures of everything
5. Be remembered

5 things i can do:
1. Say I'm sorry, and mean it
2. Make friends
3. Have goofy conversations, and nice conversations
4. Dance, like a teen pop star
5. Algebra.

5 Things i Can't Do:
1. Government
2. Eat in front of people
3. Get in big fights
4. Listen to people argue
5. Walk away from my problems

Top 5 songs i think are cool:
1. Alanis Morisette- Ironic
2. Dispatch- The General
3. No Doubt- Simple kind of life
4. Jack Johnson- Taylor
5. The Wallflowers- One head light

Top 5 things that turn you on about the opposite sex:
1. a good laugh/ sence of humor
2. goofyness
3. when they say stupid things, and try to get mad when you laugh at them
4. good conversation
5. guitar players. . .weird but true

Can't stop smiling

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 14:55:36 GMT

Even though last night was a little shakey. I couldn't of liked it anymore. Seeing my family was great, expecially with Ben. I am so glad we got to spend the night together. Watching Almost Famous. I couldn't be more happy with him. I love seeing him in the morning. Wow. I'll stop.

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.

This is wonderful as loving goes.